|
|
| American Male |
( Details ) |
| Frank looked down at his legs dangling over the edge of the Capitol Records building. Somewhere thirteen floors down was his other shoe. He closed his eyes as a gust of wind rushed towards his face and he lifted his arms out, giving him the sensation that he was flying or falling. As the air swam around him he took a deep breath and put his hands to his stomach which was still a little sore from how hard he had been laughing earlier. The effects of the cocaine and ecstasy had long since diminished and it was nice to feel the endorphins rush again that night. But for the first time in a long time the feeling came in a natural way. He unbuttoned his Neiman-Marcus shirt and let it float away into the night sky. He watched as it sailed eastward, down towards the bright neon lights of the Pantages Theater. With his right hand Frank traced the scar on his left arm down to his wrist and then glanced at his watch. When he was twelve, Frank’s parents took him to see the Grand Canyon. On the third night of their stay he had awakened and looked out the window where he saw the most dazzling array of stars he’d ever seen. Los Angeles never had stars like the ones over the Grand Canyon, he thought. With his parents sound asleep, Frank snuck out the door and wandered around until he found a suitable space to sit and gaze up at the heavens. He didn’t hear sound when the baby rattle snake bit him. He didn’t make a sound when he made his way back into the cabin his family was staying in. Though the pain was excruciating, he was more fearful of what mom and dad might say had they learned of his sneaking out. When they heard his whimpers and soft cries they rushed to the nearest hospital. Because so much time had lapsed, Franks arm had swollen to nearly three times its normal size. It had to be cut open to relieve the pressure. The last time Frank let himself get caught in his stargazing, he was lucky he got to keep his arm. He could see all of Hollywood from this vantage point and now that it was about two in the morning he observed the undulating mobs drain out of the clubs and bars on to Hollywood boulevard. He looked back over the days events and started laugh maniacally again. Mom, Dad, Dave, Lynette, Maura for Christ’s sake… and now here he was wondering if he were to fall if he were to jump should he plummet to the ground from this height would he really die? Could anything really hurt him? * * * * * * * * * * * * That morning started off just like any other. It was Thursday and Frank sat by the pool, looking out past the beach towards the expanse of the Pacific. At 10:30 there wasn’t much traffic out in the sea but his attention was on the book he was reading The Dubliners by James Joyce. In the middle of Araby his eyebrows suddenly crunched together in annoyance as he heard the clip clop of his mother’s shoes approaching from the house behind him. She stopped in front of him and finished her phone conversation as Frank shut his book and placed it on the table next to other selections from his library. “Good morning honey,” said his mother. She was quite chipper this morning but then again, she always has been more of a morning person than he was used to. “What are you reading?” Frank looked up at her from behind his Oliver People’s sunglasses and smiled. “Oh you know,” he began dryly, “Just another one of those satirical moral deconstructions of contemporary life as interpreted by the Irish from a hundred years ago.” He stared at her as she nodded and examined the text on the screen of her phone. She hadn’t heard a word he said. “Mm-hmm,” she murmured. Then looking back in his direction, “Do you have school today?” “No. Not today.” Actually he had missed his first class and had no intention of showing up to his 11 o’clock lecture. “I never can keep up with your schedule,” she smiled. Her Prada bag began buzzing and she fished her phone out of it yet again. “Joanna Heiden, how can I help you? Yes the open house is off Mulholland… Yes… From eleven to three.” She mouthed words at him: got to go! She puckered her lips and kissed the air in his direction and clip clopped away. Frank sank back into the lounge chair and swung his arm around beneath him and came up with another book. He examined the white limousine on the cover art of the book: Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo. Shit, he thought. I read this yesterday. After twenty failed minutes of trying to fall asleep Frank sat up at the sound of his phone ringing. It was David. “What’s up fag?” “What’s up you sweet little bitch?” laughed David. “What are you doing?” “Ah, you know, living off my parent’s money.” “Yeah so anyways, I just got in to work and I’m thinking it’s about time for lunch. You do want to go to the strip club and get something to eat?” Frank laughed, “Nah. I’m not really hungry.” “Neither am I.” “Dude, what do you do all day anyways? You get in to your office and twenty minutes later you leave for lunch and I don’t think I’ve ever known you to be there past three and I know after a couple of martinis at lunch you aren’t the most productive. You have a goddamn bed in the room next to your office.” “Frank,” Dave began, “All I do is a magic act. It’s all an illusion. I move the same chunk of money around from one place to another. Investment banking isn’t about finding the hot stock tip or listening for the insider secrets. Just like those queers with the tigers in Vegas keep you looking one way while they pull a rabbit out of your ass. So come on, man. Lunch or what?” Frank pulled off his glasses and looked at his watch and sighed, “Alright. Give me an hour. I’ll meet you at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset.” “Alright dude. Tell your mom ‘hi’ for me.” Click. Frank walked into the saloon themed restaurant and headed straight for the bar. David was always late so Frank didn’t even bother to look around for him. After ordering a beer he turned around to look at the mechanical bull which was never in use at this time of day. It brought back memories of the many drunken nights he had been thrown from it all those times he went flying or falling. As he let his mind wander he heard something very unusual behind him. A young woman had order a Tom Collins. Turning around he asked, “You’re not from around here, are you?” She was around the corner of the bar about four feet away quite attractive. She was rather petite and had shoulder length brown hair, fair skin, brownish eyes and her cute little mouth was slightly and inquisitively agape. “The only reason I ask,” he continued, “is because no girls from southern California ever order a Tom Collins.” Then with a raised eyebrow and a wink that came all too naturally, “No straight girls anyway.” She took his comments with a grain of salt and replied, “This straight girl is from Connecticut, actually.” “Hmm… So let’s see here.” He put his fingers to his chin and looked her up and down suspiciously. After making his observation he went on, “Well, you’re very cute but not super model cute. I don’t really know if you can sing but I’m gonna say no. But you don’t seem like the actress type. I don’t know.” Shrugging his shoulders he said, “I can’t figure out which cliché you’re supposed to be.” Her eyebrow rose now, and with smirk in response to his evaluation the Connecticut native replied, “Try none of the above buddy. Actually I work for a PR firm down the street and I did not come here to try to make it in Hollywood or to be famous.” “Oh really? Then why did you come here all the way from Hartford?” “New Haven, actually,” she corrected. “And…” she began biting her fingernail. “Actually I came out here because my boyfriend came to school out here.” She smiled sheepishly and looked away. “Oh, so it’s that cliché?” Frank asked playfully. “Yeah, yeah but that was a lifetime ago. He’s off being a single Hollywood type now.” “So what brings you to the Saddle Ranch? The cowboy décor? The fine dining experience that can only be found here in Hollywood? The mechanical bull?” She sighed, “Well, when I said I work for a PR firm it means I do all the grunt work the agents are to ‘busy’ for. So right now I’m picking up lunch for them and having a little drink at their expense.” Now she examined him up and down. “So what do you do?” He scoffed, “Whatever I want. I have rich parents.” “Must be nice.” She took a sip of her drink and glanced towards the kitchen window. “I’m not keeping you am I?” asked Frank. She smiled, “No, of course not. They just take forever here sometimes. So I take it you don’t have a very big family?” Interesting, he thought, “Well, no. What makes you ask that?” “About living off your parent’s money… Even if I wanted to, I mean, I have a huge family and they do the best they can… It’s just hard for me to imagine that kind of freedom without that much responsibility.” She stepped a little closer to him, “but you seem to have it figured out pretty well.” “How big a family are we talking-“ “HERE I AM, FRANK! YOU SWEET SUCCULENT LITTLE BITCH!” By the look on her face Frank could tell that David had made his entrance. David, being a few inches taller, reached over Frank extending a hand to introduce himself, “Hi there beautiful! My name is David and if there is anything I can do to make your life better, you just let me know.” “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced either. I’m Frank.” “Pleased to meet you both,” she replied, smiling and shaking hands. “I’m Maura.” Then watching as a server approached with a box of food, “And it looks like I’m out of here boys.” “Well at least stay and finish your drink,” said Frank. “Yeah,” agreed David. “We don’t bite.” She thought about it for a moment and was about to shake her head when Frank went on, “Please, you were about to tell me about your huge family and your asshole ex-boyfriend!” “Ex?” asked David enthusiastically. “Yeah come on! Stay! We both have condoms and money and are good at the sex. Not in that order but sometimes.” Maura smiled sweetly and reached into her pocket, pulling out a business card. She handed it to Frank, “Maybe I can tell you about my seven brothers and sisters some other time.” Turning to David, “Good luck with your money, sex and your condom. And Frank, it was very nice to meet you.” As she walked away Frank examined the business card while David examined her rear. “Seven brothers and sisters,” Frank repeated aloud. “She’s probably Irish catholic or something. Great ass though.” David headed for a table in the back corner and spoke over his shoulder to Frank, “I already called in our order so come over here, man. I got something to show you.” After ordering a couple of drinks and the arrival of two rare steaks Frank asked what the big surprise was. “Alright,” David said in almost a whisper leaning halfway over the table. He looked around cautiously and reached into his inner jacket pocket. “Now don’t freak out or anything but I got a new toy.” He pulled out a small silver pistol and set it on the table with a metallic thud. It was about five and a half inches in length and read “Desert Eagle” on the side. Frank stared with his mouth slightly open in surprise. “What do you need that hand cannon for?” “Because I’m a mutha-fuckin’ gangsta nigga! Nah, just kidding.” David took a sip of his beer. “I got it for fun man. Haven’t you ever wanted to fire a weapon before? I take this to the roof sometimes and shoot at the birds that always shit on my car. Pick it up, dude. And put it on your lap in case someone comes. For some reason people freak out when I whip it out in public. And they don’t like when I take the gun out either,” he said with a wink. Frank picked it up. It was heavier than he thought it would be. It felt so solid and absolute. “Fuck me running,” he whispered. “And you shoot this off the roof of your work? Don’t people tend to call the police when they hear gunfire?” “No check it out dude.” David pointed to the end of the barrel, “I gave the guy some extra cash to silence it. You drill these little holes in the end and it slows the bullet down so it doesn’t make as much noise. I was asking about it and he said if you do it wrong it tends to blow up in your hand but this one works fine.” “Well that’s a relief.” “Alright make sure the safety is on and tuck it in your pants. You don’t want it going off there and the waiter is coming.” After paying the bill they both walked towards Frank’s car parked down towards the House of Blues. “You want this thing back,” asked Frank. “I didn’t wear a belt and this thing is pulling my pants down.” “Not until you use it at least once. Expand your mind dude. You won’t go to a strip joint for lunch. At least be man enough to shoot a gun at some harmless animals.” “What are you doing tonight?” “Busy,” David replied. “Some old blue bloods from Boston who have lots of money I want to help them part with. Call that Maria chick you met in there man. See if she’ll fuck me or we can bust a three-way or something.” “Her name’s Maura, not Maria. But yeah, maybe. I think I’m hanging out with Lynette tonight.” Frank tucked the gun in the inside pocket of his jacket that was in his car and pushed it beneath the passengers seat. “Cool man. Make her scream my name at least once for me. Oh yeah, one more thing,” he said as Frank got into his car, “Don’t do anything stupid like get pulled over with that gun on you.” “That’s what we got lawyers and money for dude.” By the time Frank arrived back to his room it was nearly four in the afternoon. Sitting on his bed he picked up a guitar and strummed out a few bars from some song by Stone Temple Pilots. He glanced down towards the corner of his bed where he spotted an old paper backed copy of Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. He cocked his head to the right, mirroring the slanted angle lenses on the sunglasses printed on the cover. The Great Gonzo’s sunglasses. Staring at the book for nearly a minute Frank bent down to pick up the book but stopped midway when his cell-phone beeped. It was a text message from Lynette: “Hey baby! Meet me @ BEAT-IT 2nite @ 10:00. Luv U!!!” Drowsy from the few pints of ale at lunch, Frank sighed and threw his head back onto the pillow. Turning his face towards the night stand he saw a note scrawled in his father’s handwriting: “If you need anything give me a call.” It was accompanied by couple of hundred dollar bills. As he fell asleep Frank realized he hadn’t seen both his parents in the same day in nearly two weeks. He couldn’t remember the last occasion he saw them at the same time. It had to have been since Labor Day, he imagined. As he lie there he dug around his pockets, pulling out his wallet, watch, keys and the business card Maura gave him at lunch. He thought about Maura and her seven brothers and sisters. About what it would be like to leave everything he knew and his family to chase some person who he wouldn’t even be with several months later. He imagined Maura, a lifetime ago, leaving her home with high hopes and big dreams and the security of the person she loved to guide her along only to end up alone and having to fend for herself. Drowsiness soon overcame him and he drifted into a daze. Whenever he drifted into sleep he always imagined he was flying or falling. With the radio turned on the last thing he heard before he fell asleep was Oasis wondering where he was while they were getting high. Four hours passed before Frank awakened. After a shave and a shower he hit the road back towards the city. As he approached Hollywood he decided to grab a little something to eat as he was pretty sure the night would not end before he tried to consume the weight of his own head in alcohol. He stopped at an old burger stand in the valley where there was only a drive-thru and patio space, but no dining room. As he approached the window he noticed out of the corner of his eye that he had the attention of a small group of scantily dressed teenage girls. Was it his loud car that had gotten their attention, he wondered. Maybe it was his Neiman-Marcus shirt. Was it the goat-skin jacket? The shoes or jeans or the watch? His pale green eyes shot in their direction and he grinned. A raised eyebrow and a wink sent them into near hysterics. He proceeded to order a burger as he heard them giggle and murmur. After catching them stealing a few glances at him, the youngsters left and he sat and ate his meal alone before he left as well. It was almost eleven when Frank parked his car around the corner from the Mann Chinese Theater and walked the half block over to club Beat-It. Beat-It is an ‘80’s themed dance club where many of its patrons dress the part and there is hardly ever a shortage of interesting and colorful people. From where he parked his car he could hear the beats emanating from the building. The Cure amalgamating with The Smiths flowing into Ah-Ha blending into Blondie. As he approached the door he scanned the fenced smoking area, looking for anyone he recognized. After shaking hands with the doorman, a part-time stuntman named Steve Frank entered and downed a beer. As the last of it was bubbling out of the bottle he spotted Lynette in the next room through the opening in the wall behind the bar. Depeche Mode’s Just Can’t Get Enough blared and she was dancing by herself in the middle of the dance floor with hips shaking and her long black hair whipping around. The tight purple dress, her eyes shut tight and the limitless male admirers checking her out from their position glued to the wall drinking up enough courage to hit on her, Lynette was in her element. She loved to dance. She loved the attention. Her eyes lit up as she noticed Frank enter the room. She danced toward him, never breaking eye contact as she approached. “Hey baby!” she called. She threw her arms around Frank and kissed him deeply. Holding her as tight as he was, he could feel through her clothes that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. After a brief make-out session right there in the doorway he pulled back a few inches to look at her eyes. Her pupils were the size of dimes. She grinned and Frank also flexed a grin from ear to ear. “Do you have any for me,” he asked. From where Frank couldn’t possibly imagine, Lynette produced a tiny clear plastic bag. Cocaine. Still half dancing Frank observed the white powder inside bounce around. He took Lynette’s hand and led her around to the corridor near the restrooms where one of the bouncers stood. The large doorman peered across the darkness in their direction as they approached and suddenly smiled. “Hey Frank! What’s up man? Long time no see!” “Hey Bear,” Frank replied. With a slap on the back Frank asked, “Hey, can I just get a little privacy here?” “Sure, man. Whatever you need.” Bear let them pass down to the end of the hall where they were covered in almost complete darkness, save for the green glow of the exit sign above them. The door in front of them read: THIS IS NOT AN EXIT. Being directly on the other side of the wall from the speakers they could feel the base line of the music in their bones. Frank dipped his finger in the powder and sniffed. Though he almost immediately felt a tingling sensation, it had burned more than he remembered. He gave Lynette a questioning look. From beneath the music she shouted, “It’s got a hit of E crushed in there with it!” Before Frank could lift the rest to his nose, Lynette snatched the bag from his hand and raised her eyebrow. With a devious smile she lifted the container to just below her ear and dusted her neck, chest and shoulder with its contents. After all the dancing her skin was slicked with a thin layer of sweat that kept any of the precious drugs from floating away. Frank dove in. She wrapped her arms around him, receiving him like a lost child and held him tightly while moving with the rhythm of the music. He savored the tingly numbness on his tongue and in the back of his throat as much as the saltiness of her skin and the metallic chemical taste of the cocaine. It didn’t take long for any of it to take effect. After a couple of hours of dancing, several bottles of water and countless cigarettes Franks high began to dissipate slightly. In his altered state Frank leaned up against the bar to watch the dance floor. He watched the girls in a time warp with their leg warmers and side pony tails. He watched the smokers outside the window and the cloud of carcinogens that hovered around them. The lines between everything he looked at blurred. Images flowed into one another. There was no distinction. Light seemed to have mass and sounds pushed their way across everything he surveyed. Beneath the synthesizers and drum machines of some old Michel Jackson tune, Frank focused on the guys around the room drooling over Lynette. The way they’d stare at her. The way she knew they stared. The way she teased them. He caught her eye and she simply smiled as she kept on dancing. Frank turned around and shut his eyes tightly. He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger as though he had a headache even though physically he felt quite good. He bought himself a bottle of water and another for Lynette and made his way towards her. He planted a kiss on her and could almost hear the guys in the room roll their eyes. Frank was suddenly very aware of everyone around them. “I’m gonna get some air!” he shouted over the music. “Okay,” she replied. “I’ll be here! Love you!” He still felt the tingly residual effects of the ecstasy. “Love you too!” He handed her a bottle of water and headed for the door. This was the woman he loved. As he exited the club he felt the chill of the cool autumn air. Hunger struck him yet again as he caught a scent from the vendor at the corner selling chili cheese hot dogs wrapped in bacon. He reached into his pocket to find it horribly free of any cash. Frank’s hunger led him to the closest cash machine, down at the opposite corner where he, half drunk and half high, fumbled around his jacket pocket for his wallet. Franks eyes suddenly widened just before he felt the breath on his neck, the solid metal object to his back and heard a voice whisper, “Move slowly bitch, or you’re going to die.” Frank immediately pulled his hands out of his jacket and placed them flat on the wall in front of him. Staring straight ahead Frank stammered, “I haven’t got anything, man! I didn’t get any money yet!” “I know that,” said the voice. “I saw you.” Frank felt the man’s breath on the back of his neck. “Slowly, reach back into your jacket and get your wallet.” He pressed the weapon harder into the base of Frank’s head, just above his neck. “Do it white boy! And pull out as much money as you can and you better fucking pray it’s at least five bills.” Frank was shaking. “Look, man. I just-“ “Shut the fuck up!” exclaimed the man with gun. “Just fucking do it, rich boy and do it fast before I have to shoot you and mess up your pretty jacket!” Frank felt the spittle land on the back his neck. “OK! OK!” Leaving his left hand on the wall Frank slowly reached with his right towards his inner jacket pocket. He could sense the apprehension in his mugger’s demeanor. As he reached inside he could feel the thief take a tiny step forward and look around at the same time. The guy was nervous but my no means was this the first time he had done this. As Franks fingers wrapped around the handle of the gun inside his jacket pocket he could tell that the robber had no idea what was coming his way. Two muffled pops came from between Franks arm and body and out of the corner of his eye he could see his assailant fall to the ground. He looked down at his feet to see a young guy in a hooded sweater wincing in pain. The man moaned and groaned and held himself as though he had been hit in the stomach with a bat. Frank pulled him, groaning and moaning, and sat him against the wall. Blood came out from beneath the guys elbow and flowed in the crevice between the building and the sidewalk. He looked into his robbers face and saw the pain in the man’s contorted expressions. Frank watched the robber’s breathing became deeper and heavier. And slower. Frank stood up and withdrew four hundred dollars from the ATM. He came back down to look at his robber, tears now beginning to stream down the robber’s cheeks. If the tears came from fear or pain Frank couldn’t tell. Holding up the bundle of twenties Frank asked, “Is this what you wanted, man?” He looked for a response but only received a glare. “Y’know buddy,” Frank began as he pulled out and lighted a cigarette. “This is pretty disappointing.” Cars drove by on the road behind him but all they saw was a guy smoking a cigarette while standing over what must have been his intoxicated friend. “I mean,” he went on, “this is nothing like I thought it would be.” He paused and offered a drag of his cigarette but it seemed the assailant refused. “I don’t feel any different… I don’t feel like I cheated death or saved myself from anything… I don’t feel like I saved my own life or that I’ve taken yours…Tomorrow will just be another day for me. But not for you man.” He scoffed, “You won’t even see tomorrow.” Frank pulled his jacket off and turned it over to examine the two holes where the bullets exited. “Look at this.” The thief, who couldn’t have been more than twenty years old Frank surmised, only groaned as if trying to say something anything. “You wanted a couple hundred bucks. That shit means nothing to me. It’s like water. I even ruined my fucking jacket. Look!” Frank shoved the coat in his face. “This jacket costs more than you would have gotten off me. But you didn’t know that did you?” Frank began to laugh. “Just imagine if you would’ve tried to steal my jacket! You’d be on your way with a new coat and a new gun!” Franks laugh became harder and more maniacal. “And now look at you! Here on the floor dying. Dying because some ‘Rich Boy’ you were trying to rob shot you!” Frank’s laugh became hysterical. “F-f-f-f…” was all that the shot man could summon from his voice. “What?” Frank demanded, still laughing madly. He was laughing so hard he began to cry. Tears from his eyes framed his grin. “What are you trying to say buddy? Fuck me? Is that it? Fuck me?” Frank opened up his jacket and reached inside again. “Tomorrow I’m going to wake up and buy a new jacket. Tomorrow I’m going to drink and probably do some more coke and laugh about this with my buddy. And you know what?” Frank raised a finger with his free hand. “Tomorrow you are going to be dead” This is about the time where forensic investigators would later say two more bullets entered the victim’s body, piercing the left lung and the heart. Unfortunately, they would say, because they were hollow point bullets they shattered on impact leaving nothing to trace. Two more holes in his jacket Frank said to himself, “What a waste. I really liked this jacket” He stood up and began walking back towards the hot dog vendor. Still a safe distance from where anyone could get a good look at him, he pulled out the gun enough to see the underside of it where the serial number had already been scratched off. Fucking David, he thought with a smile. He held the jacket balled up on his side and marched on. As he passed the club on his right he glanced in to see if Lynette had moved from her position in the center of the room. Now she was dancing in front of a huge fan. With her hair whipping around behind her all he could see from the guy dancing behind her was his hands trying to wrap around her waste. Frank stood there and watched. He watched as the guy’s hands held her hips to his. He watched as the guys lips came to her neck and explored her shoulders. He watched as she took notice of him and winked, mouthing the words, I love you. Frank could only laugh some more. As he continued his walk up Hollywood Boulevard, he ate his bacon chili cheese dog and used a spare napkin to wipe the gun clean before dropping it in a dumpster behind the theater. Leaving his jacket in the car, Frank continued up the street until he found himself walking in front of his father’s radio station, next door to the Capitol Record building. Having been there often as a child, Frank new the building inside and out as well as the people who worked there. He walked into the lobby of the Capitol Records building where the security guard behind the desk looked up from his magazine to see who was entering at this hour. It was an older man named Anthony. Frank had known him for years. He walked up to the desk and Anthony smiled as he came in view, “Hey Frank! What’s the good word?” He stood up to shake his hand. “I don’t think Mr. Harrison is in tonight but you can check.” Nick Harrison was a studio director Frank had made friends with. He frequently gave Frank material to play on his radio show. “That’s cool, Tony.” Frank dug around in his pockets, pulling out a key and inadvertently dropping the business card Maura had given him. “Nick said he had left some CD’s for me to use on my show this week. He said I could grab them whenever and since I’m here now…” Maura’s card drifted and fluttered to the floor without notice. As the two men made small talk it found itself beneath Frank’s shoe and then kicked beneath Anthony’s desk. “All right Frankie,” Anthony said. “Go ahead. And have a good night.” “You too, Tony. And keep an eye out. Lots of dangerous people around here.” With that Frank disappeared behind the elevator doors. Having made his way up to the roof, he sat on the edge of the building. Not noticing that one of his shoes was untied he began to swing his legs back and forth until the shoe came off. On the roof Frank now sat on the edge minus a jacket, a shoe and now his shirt. If he keeps this up, Frank figured, he might be sitting up there naked pretty soon. He watched the people below him, back down on earth. He watched the girls wearing next to nothing. He wondered who they were going home with and who they’d be waking up next to in the morning. He looked at the men wandering around in a drunken stupor, each of them eager to get to a Denny’s or a Del Taco. He looked at everyone and wondered how many of them had jobs they needed to get to the next morning or how many of them were just taking up space. He wondered if he could relate to any of them and if he had anything in common with anyone down there on planet Hollywood Boulevard. Of course from his vantage point they all looked very small and insignificant. From such a perspective he realized that none of their problems are his. No one down there was quite like him from his perch. No one could see what he was looking at and no one could see the way he lives. Not from down there. Even with the wind blowing at thirteen floors up, he didn’t feel the cold. Frank’s teeth didn’t chatter nor did he shiver the least bit. Frank scooted closer towards the edge and looked down. The wind blew and he lifted his arms. He let himself feel the sensation. The sensation that he was flying. Or falling. |
 |
| Added On: Tue Sep 23 2003 | Hits: 1 |
Rating:  |
| Rate It | Review It | Report Bad Link |
|
|
| stolen time |
( Details ) |
| Its takes a long time for me to figure it out on what’s it all about. Cherished moments were in mid air. Recapturing thoughts of you, which I merely forgot. And I never figure it out. I don’t know anything about the things you were saying. I’m really confused then. And never figure it out. I can’t remember on how my life used to be. Still I don’t have any idea about the things you said to me on how we used to be. Liking each other everyday? Walking hands to hands together? And I kissed you all along? Have I done this to you on a date for two…? My head was in pain. You’re driving me insane…. I can’t remember. But you didn’t surrender. I felt nothing from your hug, which meant everything? Then you started crying. Still I can’t figure it out. Not knowing why I was on my feet as I faced the window, watch the falling leaves as it enters autumn… I caressed the pane as if it was telling me something… the scene became clear. Twigs and branches became brighter as the day reaches dawn. And as if it was telling me not to forget him as he sets. You hugged me from behind… I felt secured for a moment… as the time unwinds. I’ll never get to figure out what is between you and I. Its seems that I’ve shared everything about myself with you… Then you leave… I felt so alone in this four-cornered room. There’s no news from you anymore. I was never been this quiet when you were with me. But now I was all by myself. I am more than a deaf. Still I can’t figure it out. They drove me home from a hospice were I was. Everybody was in great tears and I don’t know why? Months passed, still no words from you. Even a single phone call was out of reach… I looked for you. I made a fool out of myself looking for a woman who has no name. Still I’m asking why am I looking for you? And I still can figure it out. I felt so empty. How you meant to me? I can’t figure it out. I wonder how time had faded… everyday I waited for you. Sited on the porch waiting for you till I bleed in pain in missing you. They said I wasn’t doing okay. I don’t know how my life could be so dreary. Is this the thing why you leave me so soon? I can’t figure out then. It’s been a long time I’ve seen you again in the same room, at the same situation. Again you kept on telling me things. Still I can’t figure it out. The doctor said I’m not feeling well. I have to lie down and rest. When you came my mind was put on a test. Remembering you was hard to do. Had anyone loved me like the way you do? And still cant figure out the love you gave me without a doubt… every morning I wakeup, flowers and cards on my side, with you on my bed sipping a cup of coffee, smiling and caressing my hair with your gentle touch its like whispering me to wakeup Ken… and will do the same things again like the way it used to be before… and I cant figure out… Still caressing me, watching every angle of my face, and it seems like you are memorizing each details. I like it when you do it to me more often, its like I’ve felt it before… I think I was spoiled over you. How stupid of me, I can’t figure out. Spoiled from the love you gave me over these years as you came by and by to visit me. The more I’m eager to replenish my memory of you so that I can give you the love you want from the start or did I have given it to you before the air turns too blue. I’m keep on thinking to figure out… Pages of years on the wall starts to break up, seasons were torn apart nothings change from me I’m all messed-up upon you… mixed-up on my feeling that sprung from chaotic situation. From time to time I felt weak but you were cuddling me from nowhere… I can’t figure out. There’s so much attention you have given me everyday, we had smooth-talk unto the last hour of the day. Telling me things on how we used to be every moment I gave flowers at your doorstep. There I stood and waited patiently for you reach and take my hand trust that love will pull you through… I was totally amazed of things you told was that the way I have loved you? I was in box and can’t figure out… Indeed loving you wasn’t hard to do… but I cant remember a thing when I was with you… then you started giggling about the time we used to teased each other on our early childhood I was listening with you lying by my side like a piece of wood. How we dare each other and later come up with jealousy with one another. Times we stripped naked in a bath. Times of letting go of one another but found loving each other. Times you have cried for me when I found another. Which keep me on thinking… did I cried for you? Yes times before and then was an open book for us. And I cant figure out… so don’t loose faith but always remember I’ll never forget nor I will ever. And I can’t figure out… We have stood against time as I lay here and think of you. The memories from the moment I opened my eyes was very fresh, you came into my life at a time I took my second breath… I can’t figure out… I still get lost in your eyes… I saw round and long flickering white lights. They seem running, no dripping down from my sight. Then there was an ignition of great immense brightness I can hardly see a thing from above. What’s happening? I can’t figure out… As I took my breath… thoughts of you meddle on my mind, whispering to let go… Electric shocks brought me to reality, your face was the first I’ve seen… shocked for a moment… it felt like that the time had stopped for both of us… all about the thing you’ve said to me the things we used to be… the way we like each others temperament… our shared secrets and fantasies… to you I deeply apologize. How damn I am to can’t figure out… that I loved you for my entire life… I can’t figure out I want you to hear every word, and know its me who’s speaking, I want to make sure its me you heard… because it’s my heart you’re keeping. As the sun slowly sets, the day turns to night, you’re in my arms holding you tight and I don’t want to let you go out of sight. I hated the time that was stolen from us after the mishap that had happened thoughts of you were the last minute I utter before I got block-out. Now I knew the reason why are you acting the way you do now and then… I wished I can turned back the hands of time to complete every seconds it take just to be with you once again. And I’ll came at your doorway with bunch of roses because I already heard I do… I really do… and that day I can’t stop loving you. This round brass on my finger… to you I bestowed everything loving you forever till infinity… This bleeding pain in my heart, slowly slips away, I’ll love you… my angel, until my dying day… as you brought flowers on my stone name I want you to smile because I figured out… As I go... I’ll wait for you at the golden gate so I can hold you again and commemorate the stolen time from us and let you know I love you… and I will never let go… (09-13-03)- (09-14-03) 12:59 MN |
|
| Added On: Wed Oct 1 2003 | Hits: 1 |
Rating: |
| Rate It | Review It | Report Bad Link |
|
|
| stolen time |
( Details ) |
| Its takes a long time for me to figure it out on what’s it all about. Cherished moments were in mid air. Recapturing thoughts of you, which I merely forgot. And I never figure it out. I don’t know anything about the things you were saying. I’m really confused then. And never figure it out. I can’t remember on how my life used to be. Still I don’t have any idea about the things you said to me on how we used to be. Liking each other everyday? Walking hands to hands together? And I kissed you all along? Have I done this to you on a date for two…? My head was in pain. You’re driving me insane…. I can’t remember. But you didn’t surrender. I felt nothing from your hug, which meant everything? Then you started crying. Still I can’t figure it out. Not knowing why I was on my feet as I faced the window, watch the falling leaves as it enters autumn… I caressed the pane as if it was telling me something… the scene became clear. Twigs and branches became brighter as the day reaches dawn. And as if it was telling me not to forget him as he sets. You hugged me from behind… I felt secured for a moment… as the time unwinds. I’ll never get to figure out what is between you and I. Its seems that I’ve shared everything about myself with you… Then you leave… I felt so alone in this four-cornered room. There’s no news from you anymore. I was never been this quiet when you were with me. But now I was all by myself. I am more than a deaf. Still I can’t figure it out. They drove me home from a hospice were I was. Everybody was in great tears and I don’t know why? Months passed, still no words from you. Even a single phone call was out of reach… I looked for you. I made a fool out of myself looking for a woman who has no name. Still I’m asking why am I looking for you? And I still can figure it out. I felt so empty. How you meant to me? I can’t figure it out. I wonder how time had faded… everyday I waited for you. Sited on the porch waiting for you till I bleed in pain in missing you. They said I wasn’t doing okay. I don’t know how my life could be so dreary. Is this the thing why you leave me so soon? I can’t figure out then. It’s been a long time I’ve seen you again in the same room, at the same situation. Again you kept on telling me things. Still I can’t figure it out. The doctor said I’m not feeling well. I have to lie down and rest. When you came my mind was put on a test. Remembering you was hard to do. Had anyone loved me like the way you do? And still cant figure out the love you gave me without a doubt… every morning I wakeup, flowers and cards on my side, with you on my bed sipping a cup of coffee, smiling and caressing my hair with your gentle touch its like whispering me to wakeup Ken… and will do the same things again like the way it used to be before… and I cant figure out… Still caressing me, watching every angle of my face, and it seems like you are memorizing each details. I like it when you do it to me more often, its like I’ve felt it before… I think I was spoiled over you. How stupid of me, I can’t figure out. Spoiled from the love you gave me over these years as you came by and by to visit me. The more I’m eager to replenish my memory of you so that I can give you the love you want from the start or did I have given it to you before the air turns too blue. I’m keep on thinking to figure out… Pages of years on the wall starts to break up, seasons were torn apart nothings change from me I’m all messed-up upon you… mixed-up on my feeling that sprung from chaotic situation. From time to time I felt weak but you were cuddling me from nowhere… I can’t figure out. There’s so much attention you have given me everyday, we had smooth-talk unto the last hour of the day. Telling me things on how we used to be every moment I gave flowers at your doorstep. There I stood and waited patiently for you reach and take my hand trust that love will pull you through… I was totally amazed of things you told was that the way I have loved you? I was in box and can’t figure out… Indeed loving you wasn’t hard to do… but I cant remember a thing when I was with you… then you started giggling about the time we used to teased each other on our early childhood I was listening with you lying by my side like a piece of wood. How we dare each other and later come up with jealousy with one another. Times we stripped naked in a bath. Times of letting go of one another but found loving each other. Times you have cried for me when I found another. Which keep me on thinking… did I cried for you? Yes times before and then was an open book for us. And I cant figure out… so don’t loose faith but always remember I’ll never forget nor I will ever. And I can’t figure out… We have stood against time as I lay here and think of you. The memories from the moment I opened my eyes was very fresh, you came into my life at a time I took my second breath… I can’t figure out… I still get lost in your eyes… I saw round and long flickering white lights. They seem running, no dripping down from my sight. Then there was an ignition of great immense brightness I can hardly see a thing from above. What’s happening? I can’t figure out… As I took my breath… thoughts of you meddle on my mind, whispering to let go… Electric shocks brought me to reality, your face was the first I’ve seen… shocked for a moment… it felt like that the time had stopped for both of us… all about the thing you’ve said to me the things we used to be… the way we like each others temperament… our shared secrets and fantasies… to you I deeply apologize. How damn I am to can’t figure out… that I loved you for my entire life… I can’t figure out I want you to hear every word, and know its me who’s speaking, I want to make sure its me you heard… because it’s my heart you’re keeping. As the sun slowly sets, the day turns to night, you’re in my arms holding you tight and I don’t want to let you go out of sight. I hated the time that was stolen from us after the mishap that had happened thoughts of you were the last minute I utter before I got block-out. Now I knew the reason why are you acting the way you do now and then… I wished I can turned back the hands of time to complete every seconds it take just to be with you once again. And I’ll came at your doorway with bunch of roses because I already heard I do… I really do… and that day I can’t stop loving you. This round brass on my finger… to you I bestowed everything loving you forever till infinity… This bleeding pain in my heart, slowly slips away, I’ll love you… my angel, until my dying day… as you brought flowers on my stone name I want you to smile because I figured out… As I go... I’ll wait for you at the golden gate so I can hold you again and commemorate the stolen time from us and let you know I love you… and I will never let go… (09-13-03)- (09-14-03) 12:59 MN |
|
| Added On: Wed Oct 1 2003 | Hits: 1 |
Rating: |
| Rate It | Review It | Report Bad Link |
|
|
| Still Not Over |
( Details ) |
| Still Not Over Carrie Meckler Three years later they still keep quiet. My parents need to get over this. They both work out of the home now. My mom was a full time lawyer. My father was an accountant. They made some good money if you ask me. My mom and I had a great relationship. We would go to dinner once a week with my sister, and then once alone. She would also go alone with Krista once a week. My dad and I had an okay relationship. He loved Krista though. He liked her more than me I can defiantly say. My mom didn’t pick favorites, like he did. But that was then, and it’s different now. I receive one gift on Christmas and a card for my birthday. Yes, my life is great, not. People would think I am poor, well my family. Really, I am not. Krista, she was a great sister, but they need to get over this. Therapy seems not to work. My grades in school are high-quality, and I have a social existence, but not them. My parents just can’t get over the fact that Krista will never be back. They sit and don’t talk, and don’t watch TV. I am astonished they are not divorced. One thing is for sure, they have the exact same emotion about this. They eat a few meals a week, and go to the grocery store once in three months. I eat at school some days, off of my friend’s plates. I haven’t been in a vehicle for two years, it’s crazy. I have seen my parents hug twice this year. I wish this would all stop. I was sad the first two months, but I have moved on. I talk to my friends about it. They say I can move in with them. I couldn’t do that though. They worry about me, and say to get the heck out of my house. So what are my other options to get out of this mute hole? I never thought this would be like this. Krista had problems, and now I suffer from problems. My parents loved her to death, and I did as well. Krista had tribulations with her friends and she couldn’t take it anymore. I wonder how my parents would react if I did the same thing. I wouldn’t do it in a bathtub though. That’s too scary. Thursday I had therapy. Yes, I pay for it from my birthday money from my grandparents from all these years. I need help though to figure this one out. I have been going for about two months. She says tell your parents how you feel. She is a nice lady, but doesn’t give the best guidance. She tells me suggestions that I have previously tried hundreds of times. But I try yet again. So I notify them and they cry Kara your sister died, how do you expect us to act? The number arrives on the television screen. I call the number and they come pick me up at my house. Did I have doubts? Yes, I was petrified out of my mind. I knew I was going to a pleasant place, but I still thought my parents would hate me. But really they kind of already did, they didn’t talk to me. I’ll remember forever the look on my parents faces, the channel I was watching, and the corporation that I called. Today I sit at this orphanage. I have a few friends. Do I miss them? Yes, but here is better. My parents haven’t visited me yet. I doubt they will. I think I made the right decision. I will miss my old life, but hope the new is better. I just want to start over. I don’t know if I will eventually go to a foster home, but I need a new life. I was unhappy and emotionally hurt. I was abused emotionally some would say. My parents didn’t notice though. I think I learned during this period more things than I know. A death of a family member can really damage the whole family. I wish I would have talked to Krista more, and figured out what she was going through. I was ignorant and didn’t care about her problems. My parents were too hectic with work. And currently they don’t even go. I begin school tomorrow. Wish me luck. Thanks |
|
| Added On: Tue Mar 30 2004 | Hits: 1 |
Rating: |
| Rate It | Review It | Report Bad Link |
|
|
| Skull Saws |
( Details ) |
| The Skull Saws The sun began to rise as if it was the last day on earth. I finished my orange juice and reading the paper. March 5th, 2987 was the date printed at the top. Yet amazing how much everything has been taken over by technology there was still a newspaper at my front door every Sunday. The major headline, “The United States prospers again!” was nothing new. We had just finished taking over China and not much of Asia was left for us. My lovely wife yelled, “John come here please.” I really do not understand the purpose of having a wife. I love her and I would never leave her but the reason you have a family is to have kids and carry on your name. That will not be able to happen, women have not been able to reproduce since 2080. A terrible incidence happened to every woman and they lost their reproductive glands. This was a side affect to a gas bomb dropped by China in the beginning of the war. People were really scared and so was the human race, they had the possibility to die off. “Yes dear what would you like?” I asked Mary “Would you please take the check for rent to Ms. Hollar?” “If I have to but if I’m not back in ten minutes call the cops” She began to laugh. Not because Ms. Hollar was mean but for the fact that there was no such thing as a cop and there hasn’t been one in thirty years. I began to think about the chip in my head that held me back from doing any thing bad. I stood in front of the portal shoot. A keypad emitted from the wall. I punched in the building number then the room number of Ms. Hollar. The door of the portal opened. I stepped inside and began to slide to the front door. I got there in about two seconds and sat in awe. The front door was wide open and she was sitting in the middle of the room with what seemed to be a knife in the back of her neck. What in the world, there aren’t any knifes left in the world. They were abolished and disintegrated in the Laser Knife Act of 2910. I caught a hold of my brain and hit the emergency button on my watch. Watches were fastened for that reason, an emergency. Once I figured out that the emergency crew had come, the head crewman began questioning me. He began to ask me questions but I could not keep my eyes off what they were doing to Ms. Hollar. I’ve heard about it but have never seen it. A laser saw was set to her bone only and cut around her skull and took out her brain. Then they put the brain in the transmitter to send it to the lab to be preserved and put in a new body. “You saw no one leaving in an opposite portal?” the head crewman asked me interrupting my train of thought. “No I did not,” I stated and then explained to him why I was going to her apartment. “Thank You for your time,” he said and the left the portal. “Wait!” I yelled. “Yes” he said. “Will she remember this when she is brought back?” “Unfortunately no, she will only remember yesterday and her life before.” I could not believe it when I first heard it. They will take the brain back to their lab and put it in a body cloned. The interesting thing was they could clone everything but a brain so they had to come get them as fast as they could. I began to think, I will never actually die. I will be here forever unless I am not found for a long time. I stepped in the return portal and went back home. “John where have you been!” Mary said when I walked in the door “Ms. Hollar was dead, I saw them take her brain” “Wow! Are you serious?” “Yes and I finally figured everything out , we are the last of our kind!” “If I die and you die I want to be with you afterwards” Mary said That made me think about how much I loved her. I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed. I thought for a long time thinking there is no way to reproduce anymore. We must all be here until we can no longer live any more. We will be here until all natural resources have gone. They already have found a way to create half of them. The world will not be different, the wars will finish and everyone will be the same as if we are invincible. My wife came in and sat down next to me. “Just think, no one can stop us from coming back after we die, we will be young again and we will be able to be what ever we want. “You can do things you didn’t get to do when you where young, you will have a second and third chance, I hope you spend them with me.” The dawn of a new day arose. I got up out of bed, not remembering going to bed. I walked into the shower thinking of yesterday. Once I was out of the shower and dressed I decided to walk to work instead of take a portal. I have not done this in a long time I said to myself as I left the building. I walked outside and stopped dead in my tracts in front of a Hover TV 3000. The bulletin board was about 122 murders that have taken place in the last few weeks. I was amazed, they were all on my block. Then I realized that every one of the brains that has been transported were gone with out a trace. How would the world stop this serial killer? The army then came on in an important message the message read to stay off the streets and to enable security to shut down until the killer was caught. I thought to my self, one walk wouldn’t hurt. I got to my office building and punched in my ID code. The portal then opened for me to go to my office. I got in and immediately left to the portal home. My office was a wreck and there was writing in blood on my wall that said “YOUR NEXT” Once I arrived home I got my wife and enabled the shut down. We sat there scared. “What is going on!?” Mary exclaimed “I saw a message that says I’m next to die” The room filled with silence and Mary casually got up and proceeded into the kitchen. What was going on? How was she not scared like me? I hit the emergency button on my watch and redirected them to the office. The lights went out. It was eternal darkness. I began to freak out and rock back and forth. Then I saw a flash, another, and another! My wife screamed. “Mary!!” I yelled franticly. Oh my god what I going to do. I scrambled to the closet and got inside. I immediately hit the button on my watch again. The darkness filled the closet with quietness that even a piece of paper falling could be heard. All of a sudden I heard a footstep and another. Then the door flew open. The man standing there was big and muscular with the looks of a football player. He had body armor or so it seemed with the words “BONE SAW” on his chest. I began to lean back in fear. “You have been the only one who could stop me from destroying the world” he said boldly. The blade in his hand rose up and I saw that it was a regular knife with a laser cutting edge. The blade flew down, the slicing of the flesh was furious in the sound, and in the pain. “Welcome to my world!” He raised the blade, I closed my eyes and waited for the worst… |
|
| Added On: Wed Oct 15 2003 | Hits: 1 |
Rating: |
| Rate It | Review It | Report Bad Link |
|
|
 From The Web: |
|
|
|
|
|
